My Angel on Earth: Part II

After hearing that Mom had hours to live, I chatted with Auntie Allyson (Uncle Eric’s wife and Eryka and Sierra’s mom) about Kinsley. We sat in another room while other family members said their goodbyes or See ya laters (i.e., in heaven) to Mom.  Auntie Allyson was also experiencing mixed emotions. She was so thrilled to become a grandmother for the first time. She’d say with a wide smile in a high-pitched voice: “My baby’s having a baby. I can’t believe it!” Yet, she was heartbroken about the impending loss of one of her best friends, my mother. 

Auntie Allyson and Uncle Eric came to stay with Dad during Mom’s final weeks. My aunt knew it was possible that she would miss the birth of her first grandchild, but she came anyway. She wanted to be there for me. Eryka also gave her blessing and said that she would be fine, even though I knew it was hard for her to imagine having her baby without her mom by her side. Eryka saw that I was breaking; my watery eyes and short temper started to enter our daily FaceTimes. She just wanted me to be okay. Fortunately, Eryka had her husband, in-laws, and friends on call just in case she went into labor, and they showed up when she did. 

I’m glad I had Auntie Allyson. She had a special way of comforting me. She said the right things and gave the best hugs. And I just felt comfortable with her. I was holding it together and trying to move through this time with grace while breaking on the inside. When my aunt first came with Uncle Eric to stay with Dad, I collapsed in her arms and wailed. This moment reminds me of when I was a little girl (probably seven or eight years old) and I burned my hand using a curling iron at my godsister’s house: 

We were styling our dolls’ hair because my godsister dreamed of owning her own hair salon one day. I was her assistant. I mistakenly grabbed the entire heated, metal part of the curling iron. Although the burning sensation was intense, I wanted to show her I was a big girl and that I could play with dolls using a curling iron. I kept going to the bathroom to run cold water over my hand. While it provided temporary relief, my hand felt like it was on fire as soon as I removed it from the water. When Mom came to pick me up, I ran into her arms, burst into tears, and screamed. 

I think having Mom there gave me permission to show my pain. She was my protector, always there to comfort me. And seeing Auntie Allyson gave me permission to break. I guess part of me is still that little girl who wants to show the world I’m a big girl. I wanted to be strong. I had to be; there were so many responsibilities associated with caring for Mom when she got sick. I had to show up and be okay. My aunt gave me permission to not be okay. Something Mom would have done if she could. Thankfully, Auntie Allyson was there. 

Mom and Auntie Allyson raised us kids together, so we were more like siblings than cousins. She told me that being a working mom was challenging and that she couldn’t have done it without Mom. When I was growing up, Auntie Allyson (or Uncle Eric) would drop off my cousins at my house early in the morning. This allowed her to go off to work and climb the corporate ladder, which she ultimately did. Mom would get everyone ready for school, prepare breakfast, and drop us all off at our various locations. She made sure we had everything we needed, from school supplies to tasty snacks. She was always thinking about us kids. And we could feel it. She was special, so special that my cousins just called her Auntie. When my cousins would say, Auntie took us here or Auntie did that, everyone knew they were talking about Mom.  

After sharing in my excitement about Kinsley that afternoon at my parents’ house, Auntie Allyson began to reminisce about her relationship with Mom. She told old stories. The love she had for Mom was apparent in the way that she spoke to and about Mom. I could tell that she admired and respected her. She even described Mom’s bossy and direct side with a loving tenderness. When Auntie Allyson was twenty-one years old, she was a new wife, new mom (to Eryka), and had to embrace a whole new family—the Menzies family. Everything was new. My aunt found it overwhelming. Thankfully, Mom was there. Auntie Allyson admitted that Mom’s straight-shooting tongue was a little jarring at first, but they got to know each other and became sisters. She even called Mom her family bestie and asked Mom to be her youngest child’s godmother. 

Ten years younger than her big sister-in-law, my aunt told me that Mom was always good at giving her sound advice and calming her down. She even confided in Mom that morning. When Auntie Allyson found out that Eryka was going into labor, she sat at Mom’s bedside to share her concerns. Although Mom was unconscious at that point, my aunt had a conversation with her. She talked to Mom the way she normally would, spilling her thoughts and worries. She could feel that something was wrong with Eryka’s labor; she asked for Mom’s protection.