33 Lessons for 33 Years of Life
In my 20s, I loved reading blog posts where bloggers provided life advice in pithy statements. Now that I’m in my 30s, I have thoughts. So, I thought I’d give it a try. While I know you may have heard many of these before, remember there is a difference between knowing and believing/doing. I hope this serves as a gentle reminder. So here it goes: 33 lessons for 33 years of life.
You have control over your life. As adults, we become inundated with responsibilities. We may feel tied financially to certain things. We may feel emotionally tied to certain people. We may feel pressure due to societal expectations. But you have control over your own life. You can leave situations that aren’t serving you. You can go after the things you want in life. It may not be easy, but you have agency. Use it.
Be your own best teammate. While having community is important, the only person who is guaranteed to be in your life as long as you’re on earth is you. I know it sounds a bit depressing, but it’s true. Learning how to love yourself, believe in yourself, advocate for yourself, be kind to yourself, and just be by yourself will help you navigate the things that life throws your way. [Thank you, Kristin Turner!]
Nothing is perfect. No life is perfect. No job is perfect. No relationship is perfect. No journey is perfect. But perfection is boring and unrealistic, anyway. Showing up everyday to make the imperfect work for you is enough. You are enough.
Self-awareness is powerful. The happiest, most fulfilled people tend to be the most self-aware. They know when to leave work, a job, a community, a relationship, or a situation that isn’t aligned with who they are. They know when to lean into opportunities that tap into their strengths. They work towards a life and career that allow them to spend enough time doing the things that light them up.
Try new things. Get out of your comfort zone, and try something new. To figure out what gives you energy and what drains you, you have to try new things. Try new hobbies, new tasks at work, new foods, and get outside your bubble to interact with new people. Trying new things inches you closer to self-discovery. It also keeps life exciting.
Figure out your spiritual practice. Research shows that the most resilient people have a spiritual practice. The people with inner peace often identify as spiritual or religious. A belief in something outside yourself helps you find meaning and purpose in life. It doesn’t have to be an organized religion, and for many Millennial and Gen-Zers, it isn’t. And it doesn’t even have to be a belief in God. But figure out what works for you, so that you can stay centered and live a purpose-driven life.
Prioritize your mental and physical health. In your teens and early 20s, you could probably eat whatever you wanted, drink whatever you wanted, and workout whenever you wanted. And prioritizing your mental health probably wasn’t even a thing. I know that this may not be the case for everyone, but we usually have more leeway in our youth. Friends, that leeway goes away. Life gets harder. Our bodies get older. Go to the doctor. Get a therapist. Set boundaries. Figure out your morning routine. Workout. Eat a healthy diet. Maintain healthy, supportive relationships. Commit to a healthy lifestyle. Do all the things!
Money isn’t everything, but it’s important. Like it or not, we live in a capitalist society. You need money to survive, live, and thrive. Understand how much money you need to live the life you envision for yourself. This is different for everyone. I suggest living below your means and improving your financial literacy, so that you can make informed decisions to ensure that you maintain the financial security you aim to achieve.
Most things aren’t mutually exclusive. Although society has conditioned us to think in black and white (e.g., our two-party political system), most things are gray. And two beliefs or actions can co-exist without impeding the validity of the other. You can love your country, company, or religious institution, while also challenging it to become better. You can love your family and set healthy boundaries. You can excel in your corporate job and love trap music. As humans, we are dynamic and often live in the gray (even though we may be afraid to admit it).
Work hard and rest. Speaking of things that aren’t mutually exclusive, working hard and resting fall into that category. To achieve most goals in life, you’re probably going to need to work hard. You need to put the effort in by honing your craft, doing the research, and learning everything you can. At the same time, working all of the time and subscribing to grind culture will lead to burnout and subpar results. First off, our minds and bodies deserve rest because we are human. If you never worked a day in your life (which is probably no one), you deserve to rest. And if you do work (so, basically everyone), you need rest.
Don’t settle in love. Don’t settle, friends. Humans aren’t made to go through life alone. We all want to be loved. We all want community. And compromise is necessary in any relationship, but that doesn’t mean you have to compromise who you are for love. Becoming a shell of yourself to make someone else happy is not love. Love is when people commit to loving each other for who they are, flaws and all. Love is when you love yourself enough to let go of something that isn’t right. [I know I just defined love by using the word itself, but I hope you get the point.]
Love is beautiful with the right person. When you find the person who loves you for who you are and it’s mutual, it can be really beautiful. In fact, it can be quite magical. You can support each other through the highs and lows, build together, and just be together. As Glennon Doyle says, one of the best feelings is to “feel held and free.”
Forgive yourself. In life, you’ll do dumb things. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll talk shit. You’ll judge. You’ll lie. You’ll say the wrong thing. You’ll give someone else problematic advice. And if you were partying in college and your 20s and alcohol was involved, you probably did some really dumb things. Learn from your mistakes, apologize, and forgive yourself.
Don’t expect everyone to forgive you. After forgiving yourself for the things you’ve done, don’t expect everyone else to forgive you. Technically, they don’t owe you anything. Irreparable harm is not only a legal term of art, it’s a real thing. Some things cause so much hurt that a person may not be willing to forgive you and move forward. Or they may be willing to forgive you but not move forward. And that’s okay. Some people are in your life for a season. Be grateful for that season and move forward with the lessons learned.
Relationships require intentionality. To sustain a healthy, happy, and supportive relationship, romantic or platonic, you need to be intentional. Be intentional about connection and understanding how the other person in the relationship needs you to show up for them. Understand how you need that person to show up for you. Communicate, compromise, and connect.
Relationships are important. At the end of your life (and also during your life), no job or career is going to hold your hand. The people you have built lasting relationships with will be the ones by your side. Relationships are what sustain you. Research shows, including one of Harvard’s oldest studies, that relationships and meaningful connections are the key to happiness. Build, maintain, and pour into your relationships. It’s worth it.
Failure is normal. We’re all human, and we all fail sometimes. Honor the pain and disappointment. Normalize the failure and recognize that it happens to everyone. Be part of the community that dispels the shame attached to failure. Then, figure out actionable steps towards overcoming this setback. Remember, failure is part of the journey.
The world is more beautiful than the media portrays. I remember learning about the overrepresentation of crime in the media in a political science course in college. It’s an easy and important newsbeat. But it’s not a true depiction of reality. It’s only part of it. And although the political polarization portrayed in the media exists, that dialogue isn’t a reflection of the average person’s experience. There’s a lot to be sad and angry about when we look at the state of affairs today. Still, I think there’s more beauty. Take a break from your phone and TV, and go find it.
Try to love your body. This one can be tough for so many of us. Hence, the qualifying language. Just trying to love your body can go a long way, even if you don’t believe it yet. We are inundated with images from society about what is considered beautiful. And as we age and some of us have children, it becomes more challenging to meet these standards of beauty (if we ever do at all). Know that your body is beautiful because it is here on earth. [Thank you, Jenna Kutcher!]
Ask for help. This one is self-explanatory. We all need help sometimes. Ask for help at work. Ask for help in your personal life. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength and self-awareness. Figure out what kind of support you need, so that you can show up as your best self.
Recognize your privilege. Most of us are moving through the world with some sort of privilege. Whether it’s race, gender, socio-economic status, sexual orientation, citizenship, appearance, body-type, lack of a disability, residency in a developed country, etc., recognize and acknowledge it. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it. I suggest trying to think of ways to use your privilege to help others.
Be kind. I know you learned this in kindergarten, but, surprisingly, it’s a lesson so many people forget. Many of us are rushing through life carrying so much stress and anxiety. We can forget that others are carrying the same thing and sometimes heavier things. We can forget to be kind. Being kind to others brightens your day and the day of others around you. A small (appropriate) compliment. Offering to help someone if they’re carrying a lot of things literally or figuratively. Or a simple smile can go a long way.
Judgment is normal, but reign it in. As humans, we judge others. Although it is normal, it can become negative because you’re making a quick assessment about another person with relatively little information. You haven’t walked in their shoes. Most people automatically become more beautiful after you hear their story. Reign in the judgment and lead with curiosity, compassion, and empathy. [Thanks, Brenè Brown!]
Your self-worth is not defined by what you achieve. It’s great to work hard and achieve your goals. But your self-worth is not tied to what you achieve or produce in this world. Your self-worth is tied to your humanity. You are worthy of love and belonging simply because you are human.
Give back to others. Giving back to others not only helps the people who could benefit from your help, but it also helps you. It helps you attach more purpose and meaning to your life. There are all sorts of ways to give back. You can volunteer, mentor others in your career field, or even start a non-profit. I noticed that mentorship and doing pro bono work made my legal career feel more meaningful. Doing this work was indeed more meaningful.
Find beauty in the ordinary. Although your life will certainly have extraordinary moments, most of your life will likely be made up of a series of ordinary moments. The ordinary moments are the ones that most people cherish as they gain perspective, whether it be through age, loss, illness, or some other life changing event. There’s so much beauty in feeling your breath, enjoying a guttural laugh with a friend, playing a song that takes you back to a special moment in time or chatting about your favorite reality tv show (Guilty!).
Have fun. Reconnect with your sense of play. Do the things that will make you laugh, be silly, and just enjoy life. As your plate gets filled with responsibilities, you might have to be more intentional about it. Try to play a game every week. Go to a concert every other month. Whatever you characterize as fun, commit to doing it. Having fun boosts your mood and makes you happy.
Life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. While the whole premise of characterizing people as “good” and “bad” is a challenging one in itself, you get the point. A lot of unfair things happen in this world. Try to accept it and do your best to make the world a more equitable place.
Accomplish the goals you want to achieve. The key word here is you. Not your parents. Not your partner. Not your community. Not society. But think about what you want to achieve. When you’re working towards goals that come from within, the success hits different. It feels pretty amazing.
Figure out which regrets you can’t live with. Regrets are inevitable in life. Think about the regrets you don’t want to live with. The ones that would really hurt if you passed up an opportunity, didn’t take a risk, or didn’t spend enough time with certain people. The ones you’ll really wonder about. Then, take actions to mitigate the risk associated with the potential regret.
Everything may not happen for a reason, but you can find the lesson in it. Although I consider myself a spiritual person, I’ve always had trouble believing the old saying that everything happens for a reason. Like really? Even natural disasters, poverty, cancer, murder, and every other unfair/bad thing that could happen to you or your loved ones? I’m not so sure. I do know that you can find the lesson in any hard thing. Finding the lesson can help bring some clarity and peace.
Freedom and work rarely coexist. I suggest managing your expectations with respect to freedom and your career. If you are an employee, you have a boss. If you are a CEO, you are beholden to your employees and shareholders. If you are an entrepreneur, you must answer to your investors and customers. If you are a creative, you must appeal to your audience. If you are a public figure, you need to cater to your fans. You might only truly feel free when you’re not working, which is okay. After all, work isn’t your entire life (or at least it shouldn’t be).
Celebrate your life. Life can be long and life can be short. Either way, you should celebrate it. If you want to be extra, do it! If you want to celebrate a half-birthday, do it. If you want to dress up and show off your lewk for the evening, please do! I love fashion inspo. Every time I have a glass of champagne (or any sparkling wine), people who don’t know me often ask, “What are we celebrating”? I always say, “Life.”
If you’d like to read more content like this, subscribe to my newsletter here. Let’s get inspired together!